Ültje Cashews & Erdnüsse Honig und Saltz

 

Cashews and peanuts flavoured with honey and salt. Sounds tasty doesn’t it? But somehow this German nutty snack didn’t quite work for me.

Oh, the Chef snacked them down quite happily but I felt the nuts were a just bit too hard. Which made more of a difference than you might expect. Call me picky.... I know you will.

I’m sure they have many fans in Germany.

Tayto Rancheros Bacon (Republic of Ireland)

I don’t know whether to be disappointed or not that this crispy snack doesn’t look like a fake bacon rasher. I was quite expecting something more like Snacketti Bacon Strips from Swiss crisp giant Zweifel. But no.

No, what you get is a tasty, slightly bacon tasting crispy snack. Which isn’t printed with faux bacon stripes but instead has a sort of bacon style structure to it.

This is a gently flavoured bacon snack, and all the better for it. The Chef was quite impressed and ate half the packet in an absent-minded fashion while checking his emails. This is one of Cliffs of Moher’s recommendations. Although she says they are a bit weird.

Chuck Wagon photo Courtesy Library of Congress 

What I find a bit weird is the cowboy theme. What? Do cowboys only eat bacon? From my extensive research watching many westerns when I was growing up (they used to be on television all the time: it was the fashion) I had gathered that what cowboys ate was beans. When I read The Virginian, written by Owen Wister in 1902, (which spawned a Broadway play, a number of films and a long running TV series) I was struck that the characters rode across the endless empty plains of the Wyoming Territory eating tinned tomatoes straight from the tin. And then discarding the tins so they marked the trail. I don’t think I have ever noticed tinned tomatoes in a TV western.

In fact of course, a little genuine research tells me that cowboys ate salt pork not bacon at all. Obviously beans. And somewhat surprisingly, quite a lot of dried fruit.

KP Velvet Crunch Cheddar Cheese & Onion Gourmet Bites

Well now. For some reason I thought this crispy snack was going to be a potato crisp. But no. It’s made with tapioca and cassava and is more of a very fine-grained Popchips style of snack, or perhaps the texture of a Bunny Bites. You will have noticed that this misconception is entirely my fault because obviously I failed to look at the picture on the packet: patently not a crisp. However, it wasn’t just me. The Chef thought the same.

So, this fine, and perhaps velvety, snack from Ireland seems to be made on the same premises as Tayto snacks. Now, Tayto is owned by Intersnack as is KP Snacks, but for some reason the Tayto and Velvet Crunch brands don’t want to advertise this. And so far as I can tell, Tayto hasn’t gone down the KP Snacks route. But the ownership of crisp companies is often convoluted and complex, so let’s move on to the taste.

So what did the Chef and I think? A bit more oniony than cheesy. And the texture is so oddly light you rather eat them without noticing. I think I would prefer a snack with more substance. A bit more of a crunch. This crispy snack may have 60% less fat than standard crisps but (a) it isn’t a crisp, and (b) it has a fair percentage less crunch. And I think crunch is important.

Velvet Crunch was relaunched by KP in 2017 to reflect its new “healthier positioning”. I suppose that’s why the number of calories features so large on the front of the packet. Interestingly, the two other flavours, Thai Sweet Chilli and Salt & Vinegar, have 1 less calorie each than today’s snack.

Tayto Mighty Munch Hot & Spicy (Republic of Ireland)

Goodness gracious! What terrifying creatures we create to convince the children to eat crispy snacks. As if we need to. Mighty Munch, made to scare the mightiest of appetites, these hot and spicy flavour snacks will stomp all over your taste buds. As a mighty muncher, you don’t scare easily. You’re not afraid of what goes bump in the night or crunch in the dark. Boo.. see, you didn’t even flinch!

Very similar to the U.K.’s much loved but terrifying-tasting Monster Munch, this maize based snack is amazingly tasty. Mmmn... yum yum! Obviously they gum themselves to your teeth just like every other maize based snack but that is only to be expected.

 I’m not sure what they actually taste of (I mean, you know, spice extract? What is that exactly? Which spices? Who knows?) but I’m not sure it really matters. And apparently these crispy snacks have been dunked in a volcano for maximum tastiness. Do they have volcanoes in Ireland?

If you’re looking for a full frontal bonkersly tasty snack this could be the one for you. I got mine posted to Switzerland by a friend (amazing!) but perhaps you could visit Ireland for a holiday one day? Or get yourself some Irish friends.

And if you haven’t seen one of those TV programmes about the making of crispy snacks and can find an online video of a machine extruding maize snacks, it’s definitely worth taking a look. Unfortunately I am writing this in a country where none of the videos I’m thinking of is available so I can’t choose a good one one for you. But I know they’re out there. It’s a very exciting process!

The Chef wasn’t quite prepared to admit to enjoying his Mighty Munch; but he did say it’s a very moreish snack and if you have a bowl of them set right in front of you, you won’t be able to stop yourself. And he did eat quite a lot.

Suitable for vegetarians.

Tayto ChicKatees ChicKen (Republic of Ireland)

I know I have discussed this chicken flavour maize puff snack with Cliffs of Moher Taste Tester because I was so stunned to discover a maize puff that didn’t taste of cheese. I distinctly remember standing beside her desk one lunchtime at work and saying, “Chicken? Who on earth thought of that?

Well, apparently Irish crisp giants Tayto thought of chicken flavour, so here we are with a bright blue packet covered in slightly hysterical cartoon chickens. Obviously.

Feelin’ peckish? asks the packet, inside this bag are Mr Tayto’s delicious ChicKatees prime for a kickin’. What are you waiting for? Don’t just sit there reading the back of this packet, dive on in there and show those chickens who’s boss! Why a capital K in the middle of the word I don’t know.

Well, yes. Hmm. It’s a typical maize based snack. Or is it? The traditional Cheesy Wotsits style snack is cheesy. The Danish crispy snack Kims Ostepops which the reluctant taste testers learned to love after a single bite is cheesy. The ever fabulous M&S Cheese Tasters which, obviously is a cheesy snack.

Or, yes OK, the rather different Tesco Sausage Roll flavour... but that was a Christmas special so you could argue it doesn’t really count. Oh, er, and Cheetos Spirals Cheese & Tomato Ketchup from Poland. Oh alright then. I have argued myself out of my own argument. But do admit that chicken flavour is a little out of the ordinary for a maize puff snack.

Slightly unfortunate: it’s not a very chickeny taste. After a bit of practice you can convince yourself it’s a chicken flavour, but it isn’t very strong. I thought the most chickeny bit was the left over flavour dust at the bottom of the packet. Do not neglect the flavour dust.

It’s quite tasty as snacks go though, and the Chef and I had no trouble snacking down this little packet in double quick time.

Tayto Wheelies Bacon (Republic of Ireland)

 

Wheelies says the packaging, that crispy bacon flavour that makes you want to do a few heel clickers before free styling down the hill, hoping that your brakes still work. Or crazier still, attempt your new superman seat grab. Man that’s extreme snacking!

Well, that all sounds very exciting but, being the world’s most unlikely motorcyclist (reluctant taste testers are you surprised?) I have no idea what it’s about. Of course this is a dirt bike or trail bike or something, designed for bouncing around hillsides in mud. Which doesn’t make it any more attractive to me. A failed ex-boyfriend thought it a good plan to make me ride a motor scooter down a Spanish cliff with no edges. Guess what? Not a good idea. It was absolutely terrifying. He said I was cowardly, I said I was being sensible. I would far rather walk than plunge to my doom because I had never ridden a scooter on the flat let alone down a cliff.

Anyway, I am quite a fan of crispy bacon, and very partial to a maize based snack. So when an exciting parcel of crispy snacks arrived from Cliffs of Moher Taste Tester and her mum in Ireland (Hello!) I picked this to try first.

Right, step one: don’t sniff the packet. This snack smells disgusting! But I poured them all, not very many because it’s only a 20g bag, into a bowl and put them on the window cill to rest. And? Actually they taste pretty good. There’s that strange granular texture you get with maize based shapes, and obviously they stick to your teeth as though they’ll be there forever and get the better of your dental hygienist, but the taste is savoury and quite a bit bacony (albeit suitable for vegetarians) and the Chef and I had no difficulty in snacking down these wheel-shaped snacks.

Plus! There’s a little guy throwing his rubbish away responsibly. We haven’t had one of them for a while have we?

Happy Shopper Burger Bites

I found this cheap and cheerful crispy snack when I was in Budgens in North London searching (in vain) for Cheese Footballs.

Let’s start with the basics. No way do these crispy little balls taste of burger. Not at all.

However, they are extremely tasty; full of yeast powder, onion powder and beef flavour and yet still suitable for vegetarians. So, umami yumminess with a nice crunch. Plus they don’t gum themselves to your teeth the way some maize snacks do.

Pretty much the perfect accompaniment to a glass of white wine and the Penguins of Madagascar movie on TV. And in case you didn’t know, the movie features crispy maize snacks as an important plot device.

I'm impressed.

Tesco Sausage Roll Flavour Puffs

Goodness me! What giant 250g packet of crispy snacks! Which is an enormous amount when you consider that each of these little maize puffs hardly weighs anything at all. I would hesitate to buy such a large packet of a snack I knew I liked so I did boggle a bit at the size, but who could really resist trying Sausage Roll flavour?

Of course you know you all know that little maize puffs like this are usually cheesy puffs; think the fabulous Cheese Tasters from M&S for example. Although there is the well-known Israeli peanut snack from Bamba. So this sudden departure into sausage roll as a flavour was a bit of a surprise.

And obviously had to be taste tested.

So I put this crispy snack to the Ski Instructor and Tractor Fan taste testers. Neither of them could hazard a guess at the flavour but they ate quite a lot of them. I never expect my taste testers to eat any snack if they don’t like the taste, and little maize puffs are not to everyone’s taste, so I count this as a handsome endorsement.

Subsequently I asked Cliffs of Moher Taste Tester to try. Amazingly she guessed the flavour correctly at once. She reckoned she could detect the taste of sausage roll pastry as well as the sausagey stuffing. And I think she's right.

The snack is rather dry, and it does gum itself to your teeth in a remarkable fashion, but it is a very clever flavour.  Who can say, though, if it will be a success? Tractor Fan was all set to rush off to Tesco in pursuit of another packet, but I wonder if most UK crispy snack consumers will be baffled at the thought of a cheesy puff that doesn't taste of cheese? Most people are very conservative and don't like  anything different. Change is hard.

Well, it'll be interesting to see if this crispy snack is around in a year's time. I hope so.

Mega Monster Munch Roast Beef Flavour

Oh boy! Massive hunks of roast beef flavour baked corn snack. Yes, this 85g bag of crunchy corn snackiness is fairly mega. However, it is not made of roast beef. No: these monstrous snacks are suitable for monsters and vegetarians. I've got to say though, that if I were a vegetarian I would probably not be tempted by a crispy snack allegedly flavoured with roast beef.

However, to be honest they don't really taste of roast beef and no wonder considering the flavour is made up of wheat rusk, hydrolysed soya protein. lactose, "flavourings" (whatever that means) and flavour enhancers.

The flavour is sort of beef in a spicy sauce. Or possibly Oxo. The reluctant taste testers ate quite a lot of these but were baffled to learn they weren't eating curry flavour crispy snacks. Or as one of them put it, you know, that curry sauce you get abroad that isn't really very like curry at all.

Each individual monster foot-shaped snack has quite a lot of crunchy flavour dust which comes off on your fingers and transfers the taste to your fingers too. OK if you are a 10 year old boy but not so good for a grown-up food writer (that's me).

Quite tasty (I liked them better than the Pickled Onion version) but oh so completely not a real food. Yes, yes, I know they're made with maize and wheat flour and stuff but this is a majorly processed food.

Obviously this is another snack aimed at 10 year olds. Or possibly even younger children. I am quite horrified how many children in pushchairs seem to be eating crisps while they are wheeled along. I think if you are old enough for crisps you are old enough to walk. Not to mention when I was a child crispy snacks were a huge treat, for weekends or parties only.

I know. It seems like double standards to complain about children eating crisps as I eat so many. But actually I don't. I try hard never to finish a packet on my own and always share when I can. And anyway, I know that crispy snacks are bad for me and try to eat healthy food like salads when I sit down to dinner. What are the children in the pushchairs given for their dinners I wonder? Maybe they're not even eating dinner but grazing on junk food all day long.

This bag is quite large but in fact contains a relatively small number of Monster Munches simply because each individual Munch is so big. If I put one in my mouth that's it. I can't speak. No room for more than one. They are massive.

Monster Munch is of course owned by Walkers, and the Walkers design team is running true to form; the little man who disposes of his rubbish responsibly has been transformed into a roast beef monster. And the sell by date says monsters are here forever; this snack is best before... A little bit too cute perhaps. But as I said before, these are obviously aimed at 10 year old boys (and girls) and not grown up food writers.

Waitrose Crunchy & Savoury Sea Salt Pretzel Sticks

Waitrose pretzel sticks come in a beautiful sea green bag that subtly changes from light to dark (or vice versa) as you move from right to left (or vice versa). Looking at the front I didn't even realise; ah, but then I looked at the back and it's obvious.

There's not very much to say about pretzel sticks. You get a stick. It's crunchy. With a light pretzel taste. And there are little chunks of sea salt. Not very tasty - you can't say that because the taste is light and not too strong - but pleasant and moreish.

The reluctant taste testers made away with most of the 100g packet without really noticing. You can get from the main body of the office into the filing room or the meeting room by walking along the passage, or you can duck through the kitchen. And I think a fair amount of grazing goes on as everyone takes the kitchen route. It doesn't save any time: it just goes past the handy bowl of crispy snacks.

Slightly weirdly someone thought these were Twiglets. Which they're definitely not because Twiglets have a much stronger and completely different taste. And look quite different too.

Not a bad crispy snack. Probably very good with dips, and possibly excellent with a little dab of butter!

Kettle Chips Mozzarella & Pesto

It says here on the package that Mozzarella & Pesto is a seasonal flavour. I checked on the website and it is; a special flavour for summer. So it's a bit odd that I never noticed these crisps until October. However, the bright green packet is very cheerful and summery, and extremely welcome on a dreich day like today.

These are pretty good for a (presumably) limited edition season crisp. Good crunch and texture, really large crisps, lots of flavour dust, good colour with little herby bits of basil and parsley. In fact I think they rate a "yum".

I bought these to try because I love mozzarella (if I get grossly fat one of the reasons will probably be overindulging in this superb cheese) and I wanted to see how the guys at Kettle managed to get a crisp to taste of mozzarella. I think they've done a pretty good job. I can't really find a way of describing it but there really does seem to be a mozzarella taste. The pesto part of the taste doesn't strike me as being particularly pesto-y although Lauren at work disagrees with me here. She was very impressed at the size: "is this all one crisp?" she wondered, carrying off what looked like an A4 slice of kettle fried potato. I wasn't fussed that the crisps don't seem to taste of pesto because in fact I don't care for it much.

You know, I always thought I liked pesto. But every time I ate it I ended off a little dissatisfied and not very happy with my dinner. It seems to work fairly OK in a sandwich with a load of other flavours but after yet another unsatisfactory pesto & pasta dinner I decided I don't like pesto much. So I'm not going to buy it again.

So not a very pesto-y taste, but at the same time an extremely tasty, in fact yummy, taste and I would be happy to recommend these to anyone who fancies the idea.

These crisps are hand cooked using traditional methods, are suitable for vegetarians, and contain no artificial ingredients. They do contain dried whey (from milk), dried buttermilk (from milk), dried mozzarella cheese (from milk), dried cheese (from milk), dried butter (from milk), and dried cream (from milk). And then the ingredients list says: contains milk. So if you have a problem with milk probably these are best avoided.

The Kettle Chips company was sold to a private equity group called Lion Capital LLP in 2006. According to Wikipedia there was a scandal involving water pollution in California (2008), and union busting issues in the UK (2007). Since 2010 the company has been owned by Diamond Foods which suffered an accounting scandal in 2012. This is a shame because the original Kettle Chips company used green energy and won awards for environmental design. I'd rather buy crisps from an environmentally friendly company than one that... well, they don't have a very good reputation.