Sunday, 8 December 2013

KP Cheese Footballs

Oh wow! It's Cheese Football time of year again. 

They are sort of wonderful and sort of the last thing you ought to be eating all at the same time. And I can't help loving them. Yum yum yum.

OK, so if you never tried a Cheese Football think two semi-spherical half-football-shaped wafer outsides with a squishy salty fake cheese filling. It's a completely pretence food made of 100% not actually cheese at all. Just delicious!

Of course, one of the great things about Cheese Footballs is that you only get them at Christmas. So you get to look forward to them. Like looking forward to real English-grown strawberries in the summer. If Cheese Footballs were available all year round I probably wouldn't buy them. Yes, I know it's me being contrary again.

What do they actually taste like? Hard to say. The outer shell is a sort of wafer which doesn't taste of much, it's just there to hold the cheese in. And to pretend to look like a football I suppose. And the inner cheesy bit is a sort of cream-coloured salty cheesy mush. And quite sweet. Sounds horrible doesn't it? And yet... and yet I find them hard to resist. At least once a year.

The trick is to bite off one half of wafer shell and eat that, then bite off the second half of the shell so you're left with the squidgy cheesy bit. And then you let that dissolve in your mouth. Or you can just eat them like a normal person would.

Because Cheese Footballs come in a drum I can't shove the packaging into the scanner so here it is on a bookshelf. The packaging says "the winning snack at home or away". Is this a snack you would take to a football match? I shouldn't think so. We also have two dreadful riddles:
Q What does Santa do when elves misbehave? A Give them the sack.
Q What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? A Freeze a jolly good fellow. 
Probably best not to comment. Cheese Footballs were originally made by Huntley & Palmer and I have to admit I thought they were currently made by Jacobs but since many confusing mergers and a takeover by German snack conglomerate Intersnack they seem to come under the KP brand name these days.

(Oh dear. I may have eaten too many. I just saw a completely not actually there person at the head of the stairs. Turning to go down the stairs. That was upsetting.)


  1. I wonder what KP originally stood for? Not very fond of cheese footballs myself, but as most folk know, I'm a funny eater.

    1. I don't know. Wait, wait...The company was founded in 1853 as Kenyon & Son as a producer of confectionery, jam and pickles says Wikipedia. Then Kenyon Produce. And now we know. I'm a funny eater too and I can easily see that Cheese Footballs are not everyone's cup of tea. I only want to eat them once a year. But, once a year they are brilliant.

  2. Hello! We love the image of your cheese footballs and would like to feature it in an article on our site. Please get in touch for more details - Thanks, Sandy

  3. after paying for a 50% empty tube of cheese footballs we were disgusted to find the other 50% was in a sealed silver bag wrapped in wafer and was even less pallet able than the cardboard tube - there is no cheese taste or content and the size is equal to a processed dried pea with the texture of slug slime save your money and buy a real piece of cheese as these will cost more than the problems they will cause when people eat one and spit it into a hankie.